Friday, March 9, 2018

If You Haven't Walked in My Shoes, Your Opinion Doesn't Matter.

If there's one thing I can not stand, it's opinions of those who think they know everything. The ones who feel like they can judge you but not be judged. These people in my opinion, need Jesus or whoever they believe in.

I know I sound like a jerk, but this recently happened to me and it was all because she was mad over a breakup and I wasn't trying to help her get to the person who broke up with her. I won't say names due to privacy. Anyways, like I said...she was angry and bitter. So what does she do? She types up a five page message on Microsoft word expressing how "beyond pissed" she was.

In this letter, she addresses me as someone who can't think for herself and who does as she's told like a good girl, all because I haven't answered her calls. First let me start off with I have two special needs kids. Their needs and routine were more important than answering the phone. Not to mention she'd call durring times I was talking to their therapist, giving them baths, or cooking dinner.

Thus leading to this long letter. It started out with her talking bad about the person who broke up with her, ok I get it you're mad. But that was just a paragraph...she the goes on and on for the next four and a half pages on what a horrible mom I am. Saying things like I might have gave birth to my kids, but I do not raise them by myself so I have no right to say I'm a strong, independent, full time mom.

Let's get one thing straight, this relationship only consisted of her being around on weekends for a year. She did not see what goes on behind the scenes of mine and my children's life. She did not see how many countless hours I spent trying to get them the things that they needed like therapy and other financial help to ensure that they can have the things they need and deserve. Just because she saw me on my phone alot doesn't mean I'm a shit parent. She probably never took into account that when she was around those three days, they were the most stressful days of the year.

I couldn't stand her being here because we always had to be going somewhere, she was always wanting to do something, always whining about something. Not to mention the drama she came attached with. Now it's not that I didn't like her. She was just stressful to be around.

But back to the point...this nasty letter she wrote to the guy, wasn't really attacking him. Yea maybe a paragraph was about him but the rest was a direct stab towards me. Her saying I don't raise them by myself, isn't quite wrong because I do have help, but it's not what she thinks. But the most important thing she said that stuck so far out was this....

"My sister has a son just like yours, same age and he's already potty trained, sleeps in his own bed since 2, eats a variety of foods. And he's in daycare while she works 40 hours a week without no help and only her income to support him, now that's a strong independent mom!"

If there's anything I've learned being in the autism community, it's that no two diagnoses are the same. Yea sure your nephew has made some pretty awesome milestones. That's great it's always awesome to see progress. But don't go judging me because my son isn't fully potty trained and still likes to sleep next to someone. We will hit that milestone when it happens. 

As for the whole you're a horrible mom part, let me clarify something...just because I'm not doing things your way, doesn't mean it's not the right way. You have no idea what I've been through to get my kids to where they are now. How dare you say I'm setting them up for failure when you have absolutely no idea what goes on when you're not here. I spent years trying to get the doctors to check Scott for autism, and was brushed off. I spent months working two jobs trying to make sure my kids had everything they needed because I had no help from the biological father. I was the one who was up every night with my kids when they couldn't sleep. I was the one on the phone making sure that my kids can have every resource they could. So you can take that horrible mom comment and shove it up your ass.

Just because your nephew has autism, doesn't mean you know what it's truly  like to live with it everyday, 24/7 365. You may have a good idea. But you don't know it all. So I dare you to take a long ass walk in my shoes. Id like to see if you'd make it back. Because I guarantee, you couldn't handle it. Especially the way you handled this breakup.

But that's just my oppinion!

Monday, August 14, 2017

The Dreaded, I Think You Should Do This, Comment....

Firstly just stop. I know you mean well but please, stop it. You don't like it when I give you unsolicited advice so do not give it to me. Especially if you're giving me parenting advice and you have no children.

Nothing irks me more than those who are not parents giving me parenting advice. I know it sounds mean, but seriously, I wouldn't tell you how to raise your child. I might give a few tips here and there, but only IF ASKED OF ME!

There's different ways to go about giving me advice on parenting. None of which should make me feel like shit in the long run. For example I was once advised that I should let the kids try an organic or gluten free "diet" to see if that helped with how often they were getting sick along with various other things. That was helpful advice who came from another mother who understood how my kids are. We are both in the autism community.

The advice I'm talking about is coming from people who do not have children who love to throw their input on what you're doing absolutely wrong. A good example is I had a movie playing for the kids, one of which we have all seen a million times and I could probably recite it if I had to. This person just comes in and changes the movie. No regard for who was watching it. I told her the kids were watching that and she goes "well they need variety and I am just helping you out".

I've never wanted to scream at someone so bad in my life....You're not really helping. You're just putting on something the kids have no care for what so ever. This results in me not being able to get my chores done because they're not preoccupied, and you griping about how unorganized and messy the house is.

We have a system. You don't have to like the repetitive system. You can gripe about how "baby proofed" the house is, but that's not going to change how things are. All the things you think are unnecessary and that my kids should just know better aren't going to change because you think they're wrong.  Those things are in place because of safety. The repetitive activities are the way they are because that's what my kids like.

If you don't like it, you can stop giving me your opinions on how I do things and saying they're not your kids when I get pissed off at your unwanted parenting advice. They are my children. Parent how you want when YOU HAVE KIDS.

Friday, June 23, 2017

I've Lost My Mind.

Do any other parents plan out their summers with their children? For example going on vacation or those with smaller children, trying to keep them sharp for the upcoming school year. That second one was me. I say was because for about two months I planned out how I was going to keep my kids involved with learning over the summer along with a bunch of fun stuff I picked up off of pinterest.

Let me start of by saying I have failed miserably. Not only did I not stick to the plan, but I feel like I've failed as a mother in general. I say that because the first week of Scott being out of school I thought, "Ok, I have got flash cards and workbooks galore along with a bunch of fun projects for us to do. What could go wrong?"

*in my narrating voice* "she had no idea that everything would be going wrong."

So my plans were to keep everything as similar to how his daily schedule at school would be. I included Gracie because I wanted her to join in and gain something as well. Everything was going fine the first half of the morning. We did reading time, arts and crafts, and went over flash cards. It was the moment I decided it was time to do work in the work book where my plans fell apart. TEARS EVERYWHERE! I do not know if its because we are home and not in his ideal learning space or what but he was not having it. This resulted in Gracie crying because brother was crying.

I tried to sort of push through it like what his therapist would suggest, however that just made things worse. He dropped the pencil and ran off into the playroom crying. I've tried to continue to keep the routine, but its been about four weeks and its still the same results. I can't begin to explain how this makes me feel like I am doing so bad at the mom thing. It makes me pretty sad because I thought I could do something beneficial for him.

Since school let out he has been incredibly hyper too. I would personally like to know how my 58 pound child wakes up ready to run around the house like the damn flash at 7:00 in the morning? how kid? HOW?!?! I wish I had that much energy. With that being said I feel like he might be really under stimulated because as of lately he'll throw more tantrums. What's bad about that is its gotten to the point where he'll throw the iPad around every time he gets upset and I honestly don't know how to calm him down.

This is why I feel like an awful mom because I simply do not know what to do.  I know others in the autism community will say "just let him throw his tantrum." Ok well What happens when that tantrum turns into a meltdown that lasts longer that 10 minutes? then what? Its not like I don't try to console him and reassure him that everything is going to be alright. I do that and I hear, "You need to quit babying your 6 year old."

I'm not perfect, but I am damn sure trying. Everyday I wake up wanting to be the best mother I can for my children. Some days are just harder than others. Some days I want to break down and cry because I fell like I didn't do more. But at the end of the day when Scott and Gracie are giving me hugs, snuggles and kisses...I think, it doesn't matter how hard I tried, because to these kids I am enough and they love me no matter what. Even if I feel like I've lost  my mind for that day.

Friday, May 12, 2017

If You're Wondering....

I am that wife. You know the one people tell you not to leave alone unsupervised in target? Well except target, its Jo-Ann's, Michael's, and pretty much any store with a craft section. I will blow through $100 in a blink of an eye like its nothing. I should be ashamed, but I can make stuff with all that I bought guys.

Ok, maybe I go more than a little overboard, but when you're surrounded by all the pretty colors of yarn and paint, and there's that little app called "Pinterest" with endless possibilities....I think to myself "I want to make it all!" No seriously, sometime I find things that I want to make that I really shouldn't because I have no use for it in the long run other than just to have something pretty.

You see I'm not sure when this turned into an addiction. I will say that I think it has to do with the fact I am a Libra. I've read that we tend to to either try to be the best at whatever we're doing or at least try everything once. And that my friends lead me to where I am now. When I was younger I would watch my mom crochet and I wanted to learn how to do it so bad, but I didn't learn how to do it until about four or five years ago. I started with about 6 colors. If you know me, you'll know it was every color of the rainbow. I saw a rainbow chevron ripple that I wanted to duplicate and thought I got this in the bag!......I in fact did not have it in the bag. So I stopped trying and set that to the side.

The next thing I tried giving a shot was art. After all I did take art four years in a row in high school, so why not. So I got everything I thought I needed to be an "Artist". This however did not go so well. I could do doodles and what I like to call children's book illustrations. At the time I didn't realize that this would later come in handy once I had kids. Skip forward to about last year, I decided to pick up painting. I thought I'd kind of flop doing that since I thought I did so terrible with pencil drawings, but surprisingly I was pretty good at it. I still paint from time to time, I just have to find the right thing to do because I'm not all that good with size proportions.

I gave cooking a try too...I failed at that haha. Not really good at that but I am really good with cakes and cupcakes. when I found that out I went nuts and tried to buy up the entire Wilton line of products. Even the cookie stuff, which I learned I am not that good at, but that's alright. My kids like my cookies, so that's good enough for me. But anyways, when I realized everyone loved my cupcakes I thought, "Wow! maybe I can be like Buddy from Cake Boss!" I was again wrong. A horrible experience with a piping bag and I set down my baking apron and moved on.

I shortly went back to crocheting. I had no idea that I would practically wind up with my own mini store, but hey things happen. I'd see a cool pattern on Pinterest and go "oooh I want to make that, let me just buy this so I have it when I get around to making it." Doing this lead to me taking up almost half of my closet space. Something needed to be done. I didn't want to give it away obviously. trying to talk myself into giving it away was like watching Golum talk to himself. "my precious!!" So I just did what a logical person would do and went on a very strict no buy for a while, until I could get this massive yarn inventory smaller.....currently I have like 6 work in progresses.

For those wondering, I did get it under control....until I quit my "no buy" probation. and this is what happened about every weekend.... The first haul is from Christmas and it just kind of went from there.

I have figured out to better organize all my yarn. Its been a battle, But I regret nothing. I will eventually make all the things I have saved to my yarn stash board on Pinterest....all 1328 and counting. This picture at the bottom is currently my way of storing it all. However I don't want to show you what it looks like today haha. Just imagine four more of those big eco friendly bags, a crochet storage bin, and a few more of those cakes that are stacked on top. Yes I'll admit I have an addiction, but its a fun addiction where I can make cute things. I really want to make a bunch of stuff to sell at craft gallery, but I have a long way to go. So who knows, maybe by next year I'll have a booth up there. I'll let you guys know how that goes.

Until next time, have a wonderful days guys!

Thursday, May 11, 2017

The Struggles of Potty Training.

As a parent you are getting constant advice on certain things for your children, weather it be wanted or not. I can say I have been there and it still happens from time to time. The one piece of information that is thrown my way is the age a child should be potty trained. Now I know everyone is different and have their different ways to go about things, but telling me my autistic children should already be potty trained by now....please don't. We are working on it.

With that being said lets get into the funny side of this. I came across a bunch of other mom blogs that explain their troubles through this little journey and to be honest some of them are down right hilarious. I can understand maybe at the time that wasn't, but take a breath momma. You're trying your hardest. Same with me. Yes Scott and Gracie are older than the ideal potty training age and I get weird looks when I mention they're not fully potty trained. But you have to realize how its a struggle when one child will only go #1 and the other will only go #2 in the potty. Its odd I know.

Sometimes its frustrating and other times its funny because you wonder how is it that this has become one of the hardest lessons to teach a child. I now understand how frustrating it was for my parents with me, I couldn't tie my shoes until I was 7. I know different things but in ways its similar because you're trying to teach your child something and it seems to go on forever. I'm over all thankful that they are at least attempting to try regardless.

Lets rewind for a bit back to when Scott was about 18 months old. The day he turned 18 months old everyone tried to hound me about potty training him. Telling me "oh you need to start now or it'll never happen." or things like, "My son was potty trained at 9 months old."

Um excuse me, but how?? How did people expect me to potty train my son when he wasn't even walking yet? Also, what about that whole saying "Start potty training when you see them become interested in it or when they stay dry for longer periods of time." Well the thing with that is both of my kids were never interested in the potty. I mean they'd follow me in the bathroom whenever I had to go, but that's about it. The did show signs of being able to hold their bladders longer and when we would attempt to sit them on the toilet.....instant tears.

This went on for a while with Scott, eventually we figured out why he was so against going. He simply just didn't want to sit down. All the advice in the world had told me to start him sitting down, he'll eventually get it. Wrong. This little boy wanted to be a big boy. When we figured this out, it made bathroom trips so much easier. once we got that down it was time to tackle #2.....we're not there yet at all. Not by a long shot. If he has to do that he'll go hide until he done and you're stuck wondering "oh god what is that smell?!?"

Now for me this is the confusing part of my two...Gracie will handle her #2 business like a champ. But that's only after bath time for some reason. I don't know how to even explain that one. If I  were to sit her on the potty to try to handle the simpler of the two things, instant tears. Its confusing to the point of being funny. I keep asking how is this so bad kiddo? Maybe they think, "MOM!!!  you just don't get it!" I don't know. Its funny to think about it that way though.

I wonder if any other moms have this struggle? If you've got funny potty training stories or advice shoot them down in the comments. I would love to see what stories you have. until next time guys! See you later!

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I May Have a Black Thumb.

If you are a gardener you will understand what I mean. Thankfully with Scott's plant I didn't. So where this story begins, I had no idea how to really garden. I mean I used to watch my mom and stepdad make and work her small vegetable garden, but she wouldn't let me in because knowing me...I'd probably be the cause of her garden going south and never producing again.

Well one day Scott comes home with this little cutie.

I'm told that this is what he did for a science project. I thought to myself, Wow! Scott may very well have a green thumb. I didn't want his hard work going to waste, so I "repotted" it. And what I mean by repotting it, I grabbed the closest ziplock bowl and cut a hole in the bottom for water to drain. Talk about being very gardener like.

Oh by the way, I thought this was a green bean plant for about three weeks. His teacher let me know that this was in fact a pinto bean plant. I didn't know how they grew. Now I know. any ways, so I transferred it outside and just let nature do her thing. And my goodness she grew pretty fast!
 Now here is why I say I must have a black thumb. If you look closely, I think there may be mold going on in there. Yikes! Because I have such little knowledge to gardening, I went to ole trusty Youtube to find answers! I found a lot about tomatoes and peppers but nothing on pinto beans. So after thinking I was at a complete loss, my uncle Timmy came by and saw the progress. He let me know how to fix it and how to set her up properly so that I can have this plant last. I need to get a bigger terra cotta pot. That is now on my list of things to get along with potting soil. Oh, and also plant food. My brother had brought over a Lilly plant to babysit and needless to say she is hanging by a thread. Hence why I think I have a black thumb.

This small adventure into porch gardening got me really excited to try to plant other thinks like baby tomatoes, peppers, and a few other simple things. From the pictures you can see I have to keep it small due to space. So what I'd love to know, if you're a gardener, please let me know in the comments what are your favorite plants to work with and what are some good plants or veggies to start off with.

Until next time, Stacy <3

A Helpful Hand.

As requested, I have come up with a few helpful bits for the new mom. If you are a "veteran" mom you are more than welcome to join in on the fun and leave some helpful advice and tips in the comments.

So this weekend while doing the weekend grocery shopping, and I came across a set of books from the makers of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Since it is almost Mother's Day, there were about three to choose from. All of which are new and I am super excited about them!

I know that the Random Acts of Kindness isn't really Mother's Day related, but I'm positive it has some amazing stories.  I remember I came across this book line in about 6th or 7th grade when I was learning about who I was and who I wanted to be, and they helped me get through a good part of my junior high and high school years. This still has not changed. I may have gotten older, but I still need a moment of relief and this line of books do that. The stories are small enough to sneak away for a five minute breather.

Once motherhood came along, a breather was exactly what I needed from time to time. Thankfully I was gifted quite a few of these books while I was pregnant with Scott. The one that stuck out the most was the "New Moms" book. This has real stories of what it was like finding out you were pregnant, morning sickness, pregnancy health issues, delivery, and those first few months of new motherhood. To me this was a saving grace and somewhat of a scary book because I had no idea how to be a parent. The one I have looks like this...

Fast forward a few years, and I had decided to do the Stay at home mom thing because I felt that was the right thing to do at the time. There were days that were absolutely fantastic with tons of memorable moments and there were also moments where I wanted to pull my hair out and cry. Lets be honest, emotions are everywhere when you're a mom. I wouldn't change it for the world though. This particular book shares stories of the good, bad, and the ugly of being a stay at home mom. There's a lot more funny stories than there are sad ones. I recommended this to every mom who needs a pick me up. That book looks a little something like this...

These two are the only mom ones I have at the moment but for whatever kind of mom you are or plan to be there is one out there for you, my loves. I'll list a few of the others down below so you can take a look to see if they interest you. I know I want just about every single one of them even though I have never had twins, and because I have been on both sides when it come to being the very tired working mom and the crazy stay at home mom.

To those who are reading my post, I hope this find you well and if you do get a chance to read any of the titles, please let me know how they are I would love to know! To my mom friends, its ok to have a moment to yourself. You don't have to lose who you are because you brought beautiful child(ren) to this world. You can still be the awesome you that you are....only fueled with a bit more coffee. And remember you are doing the best you can and that you are awesome!

This is not a sponsored post. All opinions are my own and the products mentioned were purchased by myself.